Gender on My Mind

Over the next eight months or so, the high school youth are embarking on a series called Our Whole Lives. OWL is a comprehensive sexuality curriculum that's grounded in the values of inclusivity, sexual health, justice and a belief in the inherent God-createdness of each human. I love working with this curriculum and engaging with youth on issues of sexuality and their inherent goodness. The one area that Rex - my co-teacher - and I are finding a little out of date is the way it has approached gender. Though OWL is very aware of the differences between sex and gender identity and gender expression, and it is affirming of trans identities, still groups are often divided by gender, or conversation starters based on binary gender assumptions.

As I've been thinking about how to respond to these gaps in the curriculum (and looking forward to the release of the updated and revised edition soon) the question of gender popped into my church-ward view in a couple of other different ways. The first is around our mentoring program. A parent's question recently about how we choose mentors prompted me to think with more intention about our practice of pairing like-gender people. I had already been thinking about how this excludes non-binary folks as possible mentors. It also limits our children. If they reveal that they are trans or nonbinary after being paired, do they have to either cut off a mentoring relationship? Or do they continue to claim the gender they are assigned at birth to remain in a mentoring relationship. This not only makes no sense to me, it's counter to our statement of welcome and inclusion in all areas of ministry!

So with this explicit question about the possibility of a different gendered pairing I was prompted to think about what prevents us. Tradition, of course. But all traditions should be challenged if they exclude. I also wonder if we may have gut-check reaction about an older man being paired with a young girl. But again, I wonder why. We ask all mentors to adhere to our safe-child policy and I can absolutely imagine a meaningful and caring relationship between girls and men or boys and women in our congregation, never mind our openness to people of no or multiple genders participating. When I work with youth and their families to consider folks in the congregation for mentor, I ask them to think about people they might click with, already have a relationship with that could be formalized, people they may have something in common with. I now plan to bring a recommendation to Discipleship Council that we may explicitly name that though many youth may choose to be paired with someone of the same gender, gender should not limit their suggestions or choices.

Finally, whether it is synchronicity or Spirit, the conversations above were ongoing when I learned about an opportunity to learn more about welcoming gender expansive children. Brethren Mennonite Council for LGBTQ concerns is holding a 2 part series September 23 and 30 and I'm excited to attend. There are some details in the communicator. Or you can register for this Zoom opportunity at this link or find out more on Facebook.

Finally, finally - just for fun - a book recommendation: Earlier this summer I read a YA romance called I Wish You All the Best, about Ben, a non-binary teen who is rejected by their parents when they come out, forcing them to move in with an older sibling. Ben struggles with how to live into their new identity, create new friendships, and navigate a new school. It's a very sweet story of heartache and first crushes and resilience and identity. And bonus - gives those of us who are cis-gender a window into the experience of a young person who has struggled with the anxiety of hiding an essential truth about themself, and the relief and beauty of living fully into this truth.