Opting Out: Chosing NOT to Register for Selective Service

Thursday is Veteran's Day. Some of our kids might be encountering assignments in school that invite them to write about and celebrate veterans, assemblies that either glorify military or recruitment visits by armed forces representatives. When I was a kid in Canada, we glued crepe paper poppies to construction paper and copied out the poem "In Flanders Fields" by Canadian poet John McRae. It memorializes fallen veterans and invokes the living to "take up our quarrel with the foe." Honestly, I hadn't re-read that poem for many years and yikes!

As peace-making followers of Jesus, who want to encourage our children to encounter calls to militarism or even to remembrance with alternative kinds of activities. In the past, some of our parents have worked with their children on alternatives like researching heroes of peace in their families or communities, or excusing their children from attending Veteran's Day assemblies. We will not take up the quarrel, thank you. But until recently, many families haven't felt like they had an alternative for registering for Selective Service.

The Selective Service System is a program by which young men who have turned18 are required within 30 days to join a registry that names them as eligible for military service in the case of the draft. There is no way to register as a conscientious objector pre-emptively. There are almost no exceptions, though one of the things that is a part of my work with youth in our congregation is returning periodically to a Conscientious Objection registration, which helps young people (of all genders) record their beliefs about war and violence and the call of Jesus to peacemaking. In the case of a draft, those young people would have their beliefs documented should they claim CO status.

There is good news! I learned earlier this year that those who refuse to complete registration to the Selective Service System are no longer excluded from receiving federal financial aid. Until now, failing to register meant that access to FAFSA was barred. This has been one of the major hang-ups of many young people who are trying to decide whether or not to complete the application. Choosing to opt out of adding your name to the list of those willing to be "take up the quarrel" doesn't seem like much of a choice if it means that you then won't have money for higher education.

That doesn't mean there aren't still some consequences: those who are of age "must register to be eligible for state-funded student financial aid in many states, most federal employment, some state employment, security clearance for contractors, [some federal] job training...and U.S. citizenship for immigrant men."

And "failure to register with Selective Service is a violation of the Military Selective Service Act. Conviction for such a violation may result in imprisonment for up to five years and/or a fine of not more than $250,000." (More on all that here). However, my understanding about those consequences - particularly the legal implications - is that no one has been prosecuted for decades.

One additional tidbit that I learned is that in some states, any application for a state learner’s permit, driver’s license or renewal, or I.D. card equates consent to have information automatically transferred to Selective Service for registration if you are between the ages of 18-26. But Washington is not one of those states! So that's an additional heads up to look carefully at those forms to make sure you're not opting in when filling out those first forms for learners permits or renewing drivers' licenses.

Folks, however your spending this Veteran's Day, may the peace of Jesus light your way.

OWL and the Image of God

This week ten youth from SMC and EMC met outside in the rain, sheltering under a beautiful but very soggy canopy tent. We squeezed inside for our first session of Our Whole Lives - a values based human sexuality curriculum that is grounded in justice and inclusivity, responsibility, sexual health and self worth.

Did I speak aloud many synonyms for private parts? Yes. Did I badly draw both an eggplant and peach emoji? Yes. We got all that awkwardness out there so that we can also talk about what makes talking about sex so challenging. And then we made a covenant, committing to respect, confidentiality, openness and tolerance as we explore the vulnerable topic of our sexuality.

As we head into next month, youth will get some of the science-y body-part diagram learning that they may already have encountered in health class. But they'll also begin thinking about body image and how they perceive their own and others' bodies. In OWL, we affirm that each of us is created in God's image. As such, each of us is created good.

Even those of us who have spent years with the idea of our inherent goodness as creatures of God have a hard time remembering that we are made in God's image, that our bodies are something to affirm and love. Teens who are encountering the pressures of social media, and peer expectations are also in the midst of sorting out the feelings and experiences happening in their own brains and bodies. It's a lot.

OWL's approach is to give teens what they need to have both the knowledge about the science-y stuff and the tools to deal with the relational and emotional stuff. Both are important for making healthy, self-affirming choices about sexuality. As a parent I've tried to do those things as my kids are growing: offer the social emotional support and the straightforward facts about bodies without the shame or judgment that often wrapped around anything verging on sexuality. As a pastor I'm grateful to have a curriculum like OWL offer a systematic and comprehensive approach to the topic.

If you are a parent who is looking for resources to talk about sex or bodies or sexuality in an age-appropriate way, you can first check out my MWM from about a year ago on sex, teen and teens to be and scroll the the last half that has some links and suggestions. I'm not an expert, but I so love going down internet rabbit holes, so I welcome that opportunity if you want to be in touch with me and I can help find what's right for your family.
--
Photo by Tanto Yensen. The rare small species of owl, known locally in Indonesia as the Celepuk owl, are endemic to the island of Java, Indonesia. But I have a hard time believing they are not Muppets. More photos here.

Sex, Teens and Teens-to-be

Three years ago I taught the Our Whole Lives curriculum with our high school youth for the first time. OWL is the wholistic sexuality curriculum from the UCC and Unitarian traditions. It's one of the most fun times I've had with teens in our congregation. I was looking forward to having that experience again this year, but COVID got in the way of those plans. However, it's had thinking about teens and sexuality and I thought I'd share some resources for folks with teens or teens-to-be. It's never to early to start conversations about sexuality, bodies and relationships.

In my family we've always been pretty open about talking about sex and bodies with our kids. Sure it leads to slightly embarrassing moments when kids ask openly about body parts or share facts they know about genitals at the wrong time or with the wrong people. But for the most part, the more knowledge, vocabulary and self-awareness a child has the greater their safety and confidence in navigating relationships of all kinds and their ability to protect themself.

Communicating the right names for body parts helps children explain accurately when they've been hurt or are in pain. Communicating without shame or secrecy about body parts can protect children from predators. Communicating the facts about sexually transmitted infections, pregnancy, and the importance of how to have safer sex helps teens make informed decisions about their own bodies and well-being. Communicating to kids and teens the importance of consent and what it is and isn't, as well as the value and beauty of their bodies, creations of a loving God, we hope will help them see themselves as worthy of care and compassion.

You see how often I used the word 'communicating?' That really indicates how key communication is - in an ongoing way, no just as "the talk." So here are some resources. I tried to include a variety of resources that cover littles and middles and also stuff for teens and parents of teens.

The Birds and the Bees for Little Kids - This one is TOMORROW! so act fast if you're interested. There are also many other resources about talking to kids and teens about sexuality at the Birds and Bees and Kids website. Another very cool site with tips and videos and fun animations to help parents process how to talk about sex with kids is Amaze (older kids) and Amaze Junior (little kids)

NPR's Life Kit podcast has a couple of episodes about kids and sex. How to Talk to Children about Sex addresses conversations with kids before the onset of puberty. My biggest take-away (among many) was be brief, factual and loving when talking about sex with kids. What Your Teen Wishes You Knew About Sex Education is (as the title suggests) about the teens in your life. That one features sex educator and advocate Heather Corinna.

Corinna is the author of a couple of books. One is a graphic non-novel called Wait, What? features a group of friends talking to each other and the audience about bodies, sex and sexuality. She also wrote S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-To-Know Sexuality Guide to Get You Through Your Teens and Twenties. I haven't read this one yet, but based on the introduction and table of contents alone I'm looking forward to it. (I linked to Amazon so you can look inside, but I got my copy from bookshop.org)

Since you really don't want your tween or teen googling a sex thing they've heard about, I suggest showing them Scarleteen, the website developed by Corinna. It's very teen friendly with tons of articles and FAQ's on a huge variety of topics. Another good one is Sex Etc. I Wanna Know is another that's not quite as visually fun but does have a section specifically for parents. Honestly, as an old person, these websites are helpful just to keep up with what's important to teens and to see what kinds of questions they're asking.

The Great Conversations series of workshops for parents and their tweens about their changing bodies and what to expect from puberty are in person. But they're offered online for now. I found this really helpful a couple of years ago and I look forward to another round with my second kid. There are other great resources on this site as well.

God loves you and your kids and all of the bodies that God made. Whatever these conversations look like for you, may you experience God's presence with you and your children. Good luck!