Making Mistakes

I make a lot of mistakes. Because of the nature of my work, I often make them publicly. I get the hymns wrong, completely forget that I'm supposed to be on prayers on a particular Sunday, mix up the order of service. I feel like it's almost my calling card at this point. And thanks be to God, my congregation is so gracious with me when I mess up. I count on them to call me out so that I can make up for and repair the mistakes.

This week in worship, my really dumb mistake was bringing a story Juneteenth to a children's time in May (if this is the first you've heard of this holiday read more here). Of course, Jonathan stood up and took credit for the mistake; it was his suggestion that because Sunday was the nineteenth, I should read a Juneteenth book. But duh! I knew it was May, I just didn't make that connection. So I was embarrassed. And y'all were gracious as usual. And I read the book Juneteenth for Mazie by Floyd Cooper anyway.

The other mistake that I made with this book, when I talked about enslaved people, was the softening the language I used to describe enslavement. I can't remember exactly what I said but it was something along the lines of, "Black people weren't treated fairly and weren't treated kindly."  I did not address the cruelty, violence and degradation of being enslaved.  I was called our after reading this book. Called in, actually. A term I've come across recently, which I like. I was called in to conversation that challenged me not to pretty-up slavery - or the contemporary experiences of blackness - because I think my white audience can't handle it. Even if they are children.

Even though I was the one who, after reading Jennifer Harvey wrote about having to break our (white) children's hearts so that they can experience a deeper empathy that prepares them to be anti-racist, I was trying to make the language nice and palatable for my young audience - and the rest of the the congregation as well. I floundered at the moment for how to talk about what slavery was and didn't do a great job. I also didn't to justice to the ongoing and persistent treatment of Black people intentionally and systemically because of white supremacy.

"Niceness is not courageous." Robin Diangelo says in this video about the problem with white folks thinking that being nice is the antidote to racism. Oof. Gut punch. So I pick myself up and try to do better. Be better. Have better conversations that do less harm. If you'd like to continue the conversation about Juneteenth in anticipation of its arrival next month, there are a few more books for kids you can look at in addition to the one I read. Another that I've read an liked myself is All Different Now by Angela Johnson. And you can also check out this list of Juneteenth books for young readers.

Tangentially Related Recommendation:
The television series Altanta created by Daniel Glover and the episode Juneteenth in particular, which was one of my favorites.

Follow up on Last Week:
More books for pre-k and elementary school aged kids about Ramadan and Eid, the celebration at the end of Ramadan, can be found here.

Prayer and Fasting

This weekend I overheard a conversation between middle schoolers about a team mate who is Muslim. "I feel so bad for him." one said "It must be so hard." This made me wonder both how much they know about the practice of fasting and how much we Christian Mennos know and have in common with our Muslim neighbors.

Fasting during Ramadan, the ninth month of the Muslim calendar, is one of the five pillars of Islam, along with faith, charity, prayer and pilgrimage. While there are exceptions, most Muslims fast from all food and drink from sunup to sundown, getting up before the sun rises to eat and hydrate and breaking fast - called iftar - after the sun sets, often with a celebratory meal. The fast is not intended to be a burden, as the girls having the conversation perceived it, but to be an opportunity for spiritual growth, connection to God and community and a re-establishment of good practices to carry through the year.

I'm sure there are some children who do consider fasting a burden. But I found this article from the CBC a few years ago in which children reflect on their experience of fasting - or partial fasting in the case of the younger kids - as connecting to their family and to God. While puberty is considered the time when young people should begin to join their elders in fasting, smaller children are given the choice.

While fasting isn't a compulsory Christian practice, it has long been a way that Christians too connect to our creator and community. Following the example of Jesus in the wilderness we fast as solidarity with those who do not have food and to act in just ways. To use the time for eating and preparing food for prayer or spiritual disciplines. To feed the mind and heart instead of the body.

If you are interested in learning a little bit more about the Muslim experience during Ramadan, Here are some link that you could follow and learn from:

• First, Google can be your best friend but here's a helpful Ramadan FAQ from some UK Muslims.
• Huda Fahmi is the comic artist behind Yes I'm Hot in This, a humorous take on being a hijabi Muslim in southern Texas (thus the title of her comic - guess what she gets asked a lot). I follow several Muslim women on Instagram, teachers and illustrators and 'influencers,' but she is by far my favorite.
• The podcasts See Something Say Something, features conversations about being Muslim in America by a whole variety of folks of different backgrounds and Good Muslim Bad Muslim is two women who are writers and comedians and feature their take on politics and culture.

If you see a Muslim neighbor it would be totally appropriate to say Ramadan Mubarak (happy/blessed Ramadan) as a greeting.

For Mothering

In honor of Mother's Day this Sunday, I offer a song, a prayer and a reminder.

The 23rd Psalm
First, I again share with you this masterpiece by Bobby McFarrin. Maybe I'll share it every year. It's so good!

A Prayer for all Kinds of Mothering
Second, this Mothers Day blessing adapted from a prayer that was shared around social media a couple years ago and which I found posted by Sarah Bessey on facebook, based on a post by Amy Young here.

May you know the blessing of a mothering God...
if you are like Tamar, struggling with infertility, or a miscarriage.

if you are like Rachel, counting the women among your family and friends who year by year and month by month get pregnant, while you wait.

if you are like Naomi, and have known the bitter sting of a child's death.

if you are like Joseph and Benjamin, and your mother has died.

if your relationship with your mother was marked by trauma, abuse, or abandonment, or she just couldn't parent you the way you needed.

if you've been like Moses' mother and put a child up for adoption, trusting another family to love your child into adulthood.

if you've been like Pharaoh's daughter, called to love children whom you did not bear.

if you, like many, are watching (or have watched) your mother age, and disappear into the long goodbye of dementia.

if you, like Mary, are pregnant for the very first time and waiting breathlessly for the miracle of your first child.

if like Hagar, now you are mothering alone.

if motherhood is your greatest joy and toughest struggle all rolled into one.

if you are watching your child battle substance abuse, a public legal situation, mental illness, or another situation which you can merely watch unfold.

if you like so many women before you do not wish to be a mother, are not married, or in so many other ways do not fit into societal norms.

I want you to know that I am praying for you if you see yourself reflected in all, or none of these stories.

You are loved. You are seen. You are worthy.

And may you know the deep love without end of our big, wild, beautiful God who is the very best example of a parent that we know.

Mothers for Peace
And finally, if you are still reading, a reminder. The origins of Mother's Day was the intention that it be a day for peace an unity. It's creator was Ann Jarvis who wanted to continue the work of and honor her own mother, who had witnessed the devastation of the American Civil War and worked to heal bodies, spirits and communities broken by it. Ann was joined in her campaign to have Mother's Day recognized as a national holiday by suffragette Julia Ward Howe who wrote the "Mother's Day Proclamation" including this memorable quote:

“Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn all that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience. We women of one country will be too tender of those of another country to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs.”

From the bosom of the devastated earth a voice goes up with our own. It says, “Disarm, disarm! The sword is not the balance of justice.” Blood does not wipe out dishonor nor violence indicate possession.

Happy Mothers' Day. In the name of the one God who mothers us all.

Welcoming Transgender Christians

Then Peter began to speak to them: ‘I truly understand that God shows no partiality’ ~ Acts 10:34

In my experience as a parent and working with children and youth, young people are not as confounded as adults sometimes are at the growing understanding of gender identity as unlinked to attraction or to biological organs or chromosomes. It’s not that they don’t have a clear sense of their own gender; most children know from the time they’re about three what gender they are. But that sense doesn’t have to do with what’s in their pants, it has to do with simply knowing.

Unfortunately even very young children already also know very what’s ‘for girls’ and what’s ‘for boys’. It’s remarkable - or maybe it’s not, really - how much our social programming around gender roles, expression and identity is entrenched as truth. This was also true for the early Christians related to Christian identity. Peter, speaking in the quote above, is absolutely certain that Gentiles cannot be Christians. How could it be possible? He learns, however, that God’s spirit is continuing to work in spite of our doubt and in spite of our uncertainty. In fact God’s Spirit powers through our uncertainty.

As a congregation of radical hospitality who has embraced an open welcome of LGBTQ+ people (an acronym that means Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Queer or Questioning Plus multiple other sexual and gender identities) we are still learning more about how to fully welcome people who are trans and queer. This Sunday in worship we will hear the full story of Peter’s vision and transformation. We’ll also be blessing the work of our Gender Hospitality Ministry Team, who are working on behalf of our congregation to be clear in our welcome and notice places where we have room to grow.

While we work at this as a congregation we all have the opportunity to grow in our understanding of our own gender identity and expression. We have an opportunity to undo some of the expectation in ourselves and in our children about what’s expected of being a male or female and that there are folks whose identity is as neither - or both. I actually think that knowing God can help us know people beyond the binary is a better way. When discussing gender with my older child, talking about people who are a-gender or non-binary, she replied, “Oh, like God.” Yes!! Like God!! We are indeed made in the image of a queer God.

As a part of my own learning I’ve embraced resources and media that help me see and hear from people who are transgender or non-binary. I compiled a few resources for adults and for kids last fall around Trans Awareness Week and I’d like to share that list (to which I’ve added a few) to help us all continue our growth in understanding trans experiences in order that we all might be more compassionate. So that we can advocate and amplify the voices of trans gender non-conforming folks. See the list below.

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A Note on the image: We’re all familiar with the rainbow flag image which is a symbol for the gay pride and is a visual cue of openness to welcome for people who are gay and lesbian. The trans flag is a similar symbol and visual cue to trans folks that those displaying it are knowledgeable about and welcome people who are transgender or gender non-conforming.

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Resources:

Reading and Resources for Adults and Older Teens

Transforming: The Bible and the Lives of Transgender Christians by Austin Hartke. Austin uses stories of trans folks as well as the Bible to weave a theology for affirmation and welcome, in addition to telling his own story of being trans in the church.

Trans 101: a brief guide from BMC. I found this really helpful in framing gender as beyond a binary. It also has a helpful glossary and personal stories from Mennonite and Brethren people who are transgender.

A Quick Easy Guide to They/Them Pronouns I have not read it but I saw it on the yellow-sticker shelf at the Seattle Public Library. So you can have it for as long as you need it!

“Dear (Cis) People Who Put Your Pronouns on Nametags” by Sinclair Sexsmith. Help from an experiential perspective for understanding why pronouns are so important.

Jaimie Bruesehoff - A blogging parent of a transgender child who is both an outspoken advocate for trans rights and committed to raising her children to be people of faith in the Lutheran Church. Her now 11 year old daughter was just blessed in a naming ceremony honoring her 'forever name' in her congregation. I find her writing about the intersection of faith and parenting a trans kid especially meaningful.

How To Be A Girl - a podcast by a Seattle parent of a now 11-year-old (I think) trans girl that documents the whole journey and most recently the very real concern they've had about moving to a suburb where her daughter is not out and where they are concerned about how she will be received. I've also listened to this with my child and we've had some good conversations about it.

Picture Books

I am Jazz was one of the earliest picture books that approached being transgender in a normative way. Jazz Jennings is now a young adult and still an outspoken trans advocate.

Julian is a Mermaid by Jessica Love - a gender non-conforming little boy who admires the beautifully dressed ladies in his neighborhood. So beautifully illustrated, the pictures say more than the words.

Morris Micklewhite and the Tangerine Dress by Christine Baldacchino. Morris loves his swishy, crinkly tangerine dress that reminds him of the color of tigers. But his classmates are not so sure that boys can wear dresses. Together they begin to understand that “this boy does.”

Middle Grade Books:

Lily and Dunkin by Donna Gephart - a middle grade novel about a transgender girl who is afraid of the onset of puberty. It's also very real about the experience of bipolar disorder. It's really good and a very quick read for an adult.

A Boy Like Me by Jennie Wood - I haven't read this one yet but it's on my list. This is what I gathered from Good Reads: All the awkwardness of an eighth grade boy trying to impress a girl, take on the prejudice and small-mindedness of his small town and getting his first period.

Bloody Valentine...Literally

I saw a post on Instagram made by the Canadian writer and comedian Charlie Demers, that said "Valentine’s Day is just a corporate, Hallmark holiday cooked up to celebrate an indescribably brave 3rd century priest who gave succour to a persecuted minority & was executed by the most powerful state in the world for resisting its war-making!"

Well, that got me curious! Valentine was anti-war? Sure thing. He was indeed a priest who ministered in Rome in the days when Christians were still persecuted for their faith. He was jailed several times for preaching Christ and trying to convert pagans. The first time he was jailed for this he was released after he restored sight the the daughter of the judge who has tried him, convincing the judge and his whole household to be baptized. It's totally sounds like a story out of the book of Acts.

But the real act of non-violent resistance to empire is when Claudius II was having difficulty recruiting men to the Roman army. Because their attachment to family and spouses prevented them from their duty he banned all engagements and marriage in Rome. Valentine continued to perform marriages in secret for Christian couples so that the men would not have to enlist. When Claudius discovered this Valentine was arrested again, clubbed to death and beheaded. And that is why February 14 is Valentine's Day. It's the date in 270 (although the year is debated) that Valentinus of Rome was beheaded.

It's thought that the reason that it became instituted as a celebration of romantic love is that, like so many Christian celebrations, it supplanted a pagan holiday. In this case it was the holiday of Lupercalia, a pagan festival of love.

You're welcome and Happy Valentine's Day.
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*Info above mainly from Wikipedia, History.com and Catholic.org

Saying Grace

When I was a kid, we had an everyday dinner prayer and a company dinner prayer.  The everyday one went:
    Thank you, God, for food and fun.
    Thank you, God, rain and sun.
    Thank you, God, for parents dear.
    Thank you, God, for being here.
    Amen.
I don't remember the company one.  The prayer above is so deeply implanted in me from repetition that it will never leave me.  I think my mom found it in a books of prayers for children.

When I was a child, it became a race to get through the prayer so that we could get to dinner.  My brother and I would say it so fast that eventually we left out the 'parents dear' part (sorry, mom and dad.)  But even if we'd said it the words had all already lost all their meaning.

I didn't want that to happen in our own family practice at meal time so for most of our life as a family we've held hands and spoken aloud things for which we are grateful.  Or when people fail to talk, spend a moment in silence.  But we've come to the speed-through-to-get-to-dinner point.  Holding hands becomes squeezing, becomes jostling.  The little one just says "Amen" immediately and insistently because he knows that means he can eat.  Prayer is no longer prayer, it's a distraction.

So it's time to try something new.  I decided maybe it's time we do have something to recite or read.  But I still don't want to fall into the zoom through to be done trap.  So I'm making some prayer cards.  Kids can choose which one they want or we can draw at random.  I found several good ones in Wendy Claire Barker's excellent and practical book Faith at Home: A Handbook for Cautiously Christian Parents.  Like this one sung to the tune of "Frere Jacques":
    God our Father, God our Mother,
    we thank you, we thank you,
    for this food before us, for this food before us.
    Amen. Amen.She also suggests writing down spoken gratitude to keep a record, a family gratitude journal.  I wonder if my children might pay better attention if they know it's being recorded for posterity.

And I cruised our best friend the internet for other suggestions.  Like the classic:
    Bless us, O Lord, and these gifts
    which we are about to receive from your goodness.
    In Jesus name, Amen.
Based on my searches, Amazon suggested this mealtime prayer cube to me, which I have to admit is pretty tempting.  But also based on my searches I realized, "Oh, I actually know quite a lot of mealtime prayers."  Haven't I been going to church, Christian camps and schools and worked in ecumenical or Mennonite settings basically my whole life?

Here's some of what comes up when I Google my own brain:
    Be present at our table Lord.
    Be here and everywhere adored.
    Your mercies bless and grant that we
    May feast in paradise with thee.
My classmates and sang that gem every lunchtime in my secular public Canadian elementary school.  I'm sure that doesn't happen any more.

And I know this one from somewhere:
    Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest.
    Let this food to us be blessed.  Amen
Now that I think about it, that might have been the company prayer.

And this one that I've both sung and spoken:
    God is great and God is good,
    and we thank God for our food.
    By God's hands we all are fed.
    Give us Lord our daily bread.
    Amen.

Or how about the Bible:
The Lord's prayer in one of it's many versions or straight from Matthew 6:9-13 or Luke 11:2-4?  Or a Psalm like the short and sweet 117:
    Praise God all you nations;
    extol God, all you mighty ones.
    For God's love toward us is great,
    God's faithfulness, eternal.
    Alleluia!
And I might add a 'Bless us and our meal' at the end for good measure.  There are lots of Psalms of Thanksgiving though.  And they're easy to find if you have a bible with headings.

There's always the doxology, which can be spoken or sung.  Megan even introduced us to new words recently in worship:
    Praise God the Source of life and birth;
    praise God the Word, who came to earth;
    praise God the Spirit, holy flame;
    all glory, honor to God’s name! Amen.
And there you have it.  In the process of writing about it, I've discovered I have a little set of prayers I can introduce.  And I'll probably include the one from my childhood as well.  A blessing on all of you and your families as you eat together and create your own family traditions.

Between Voting and Veteran's Day

This coming Sunday is Veteran’s Day. For students in some schools it’s reason for military assemblies and recruitment. For many working folks, it’s a day off, intended to honor and recognized the lives of military veterans and courageous acts in wartime. But this is also the 100th anniversary of Armistice Day, from which Veteran’s Day was born. The intention of the original Armistice Day was literally a laying down of arms; remembering the cost of war and violence and working toward a peaceful future.

I shake my head to think of where the world - and especially the United States - has come since that armistice treaty and its commitment to work peaceably with neighbors worldwide. That first world war was, of course, not the war to end all wars. The United States has become the dominant global military power and the proportion of military spending in this country equals half its discretionary budget.

Having just come through another election in the US, it seems to me that progressives - including Christians, including peace-loving and justice-seeking Mennonites who would favor a reclaiming of the non-violent message of armistice - lean heavily into the idea that a vote equals a voice. Through our votes, the idea goes, we can make change and begin to align our Christian ideals with the society we live in. I did not vote in this election. Most folks know after this many years of ministry that I can’t vote because I am not (yet) a citizen. Does that mean that I don’t have a voice?

I am glad that this election is over if for no other reason than I will no longer have to see in all my social media feeds and in advertising the urge to vote, Vote, VOTE!! While I wouldn’t say it’s painful, I would say it’s a little irritating. People are not voting for many reasons. A few by choice or religious conviction - as our Anabaptist ancestors had - that our allegiance is to Christ alone (more about this in Pastor Megan’s most recent sermon). A few from disgust or apathy. But many people who would like to vote are disenfranchised, because like me they are immigrants. Because they are in jail or have committed a felony. Because of unreasonable voting requirements that amount to voter suppression.

Folks, I’m glad that those of you who could vote did. Theologian and leader Drew Hart, who identifies as an ‘Anablacktivist’ tweeted this on election day, “Voting won't usher shalom into the world, but it can curb the injustice & limit the dominance of powerful people seeking to harm the least and last of society. That's why I vote, and then continue the hard work 365 days of the year.” So I am celebrating the strides forward in representation made by women, people of color, including indigenous folk, LGBTQ representatives and leaders. And I don’t assume that just because I didn’t vote I don’t have a voice to raise for the sake of peace, for the sake of shalom building this Veteran’s Day and beyond.