Those Could Have Been My Neighbors; That Could Have Been My Child

These are the names of the people who were targeted and shot in a Buffalo Tops grocery store this past Saturday:

• Roberta A. Drury of Buffalo, N.Y. – age 32
• Margus D. Morrison of Buffalo, N.Y. – age 52
• Andre Mackneil of Auburn, N.Y. – age 53
• Aaron Salter of Lockport, N.Y. – age 55
• Geraldine Talley of Buffalo, N.Y. – age 62
• Celestine Chaney of Buffalo, N.Y. – age 65
• Heyward Patterson of Buffalo, N.Y. – age 67
• Katherine Massey of Buffalo, N.Y. – age 72
• Pearl Young of Buffalo, N.Y. – age 77
• Ruth Whitfield of Buffalo, N.Y. – age 86

That could have been my grocery store, my neighbors. I live in a neighborhood which is still one of the few places in Seattle that is minority white, in which a majority are Black folks and other people of color. But maybe more terrifyingly, the young man who perpetrated this act of terror could have been my child.

The teen who committed this horrifying violence - and live-streamed it for others to see! - was scarcely older than the children who live in many of our homes. He was influenced by the same social media and streaming platforms that many of our children use. How are we countering the influence of white nationalism and white supremacy with the white children in our homes? Especially the white boys.

I found Britt Hawthorne's comments in an Instagram Live video very inspiring and practical. She is an Anti-Racism educator who, in response to the Buffalo shooting, shared specifics tips about how to talk to children about this or any act of racist violence. It's about 15 minutes long and worth watching in its entirety, but she provides a brief written summary if you don't want to/have time to watch.

What I found particularly helpful was the way she shared the conversation she had with her 15-year-old son about her boundaries and expectations related to how he engages with this or other violent content he encounters on social media. She invited him to consider the way viewing this violence would affect him, how the families of victims would feel about having people viewing it and why the shooter might want others to see it. She also told him very clearly that if he did encounter this or other violent images like in in social media that he disclose it to her so that she could help process it.


Hawthorn's child is not white. He is not going to be a target on social media for the white nationalism that the Buffalo shooter was influenced by, but he will absolutely be harmed by it. For those of you who love children of color your conversation may sound more like hers. My child is in the demographic of young people who will be recruited to white nationalist. Many of our children are. They too need to know our boundaries and values. We need to give them the tools that they need to counter supremacist thinking. They may already know more than we think they do and our silence will not protect them.

Here are a few resources that I've found that I hope will help you (and me!) start or continue the conversation. I started with the first link at Embrace Race (where there are many other great resources) and found the next three there.Four Steps for helping kids push back against white supremacy

• Common beliefs and understanding of white nationalists, including how its spread online and in schools
• Dos and Don'ts of talking to kids about white supremacy - written after the attacks in Charlottesville, but extremely relevant to today
• How White Nationalism sneaks in through social media, calling out specific YouTubers and streamers.

Hawthorne starts her IG live with the encouragement to resist the ostrich effect, a strong temptation for those of us who are white and can easily give in to the overwhelm and stick our heads in the sand. But she ends with ideas for action and advocacy. This is where I find the most hope: taking action as an individual, as a family and in my community to identify and resist the ideas pit our differences against each other.

May God give us the strength and wisdom to be conspirators for love and justice.